hate the love!

know wat...
dont ever assume me if you dont ever understand.
wat you said all i knew it.
but the reality is...whoever can change the current situation?
im trying all my best and all i can over here to make some changes.
im trying all i can to changing here.
but u nvr really understand it
so now, you blame me over here and there.
i felt so much pain.
im not dont want to do it.
im doing it now.
but did u see it?
but did u know it?
u nvr ask, and u assume for me.
so now, its all on me.
its all my fault.
i wasnt good daughter
i wasnt good child
i dissapointed u down.
i shud go die rite now.
God, please take away my life.
i dont give it a damn anymore.
you can take over my life whenever u want it.
i dont ever have a love one to care for anymore.
im just wasting my parents money.
im just wasting their love.
i dont deserve everything.
i hate all of the people.
i hate myself the most.
i hate you!!!

weekdays make me down

weekdays make me down.
i wouldnt know how to smile and talk much after reach home.
work time make me feel stress.
reach home, the people i met also make me feel stress.
the parent, i shouldnt treat like that
but, i cant help doing so.
it's just a way to keep away from being nagged by them.
or, part of the reason of =( is because im worry about my future?
everyday also thinking about this.
how am i going to be happier?
i really feel so lost.
i need to feel safe here...
where should i find the feeling?
someone? could at least someone talk to me please?
talk to me about happy thing? i duno wat is the happy thing though...
oh gosh...i feel emo again??
this mouth is keeping in a =( mode until friday night i think...

this momma did not talk to me for few days.
heard that she had been cried because of me.
im sorry, but i just cant control that feeling to u.
im thinking this way. i did not do wrong that day, why u being so sensitive to think in that way?
i didnt meant that.
and, im just being silent, i did not wan to talk to anyone as im having my little whispering.
im not ignoring u. i just duno wat to talk to u anymore.
the feelings and the thoughts are so much different now.
mum, you just dun understand me.
even i dun too.

안녕하세요

안녕하세요!!! (An nyeong ha se yo) (Hello）
제 이름은 효빙 입니디. (je i leu' meun hyo bing ib ni da ) (My name is HyoBing)
만나서 반갑습나다. (man na seo ban gap seup ni da) (Nice to meet you)

Today was the 1st day of my Korean language class!
I'm so exciting to learn it.
Today learned vowels =)
It was very tounge twisting as all the vowels were similar but yet so different.
Next week we are going to learn consonants XD

I know a bit of the Hangul as I learned it while Im watching Korean drama.
It was still very fun though.
Korean teachers were so pretty and handsome.
I taught by the Pretty one, not the handsome one.
Lol...Im awaiting for next class to be taught by the handsome oppa~
Jaja~

Weng Yee was so awesome with her pronunciation
she learnt so fast and pronounce so fast, yet so accurate.
She is doomed to be a Rapper? LOL...
Keep it up ya weng~~
So fun to learn with you.
As we can speak them together..
Next time we are going to speak it when we are outside.
hahaha~ peoples thought we are Korean??
Good thing though!!! muahaha =D

Fighting!!! =)

work life

weekdays 9-6
after a whole day of working
you will forget how to smile
all your face got with you is that =(
especially when you reach home
all you listening to is a nagging over and over
"throw the rubbish properly"
"cut the fruits"
"wash the plates"
you'll never take a break in between
except the time you driving or taking bus home
yeah, that's the only moment I got for myself.
and, the time you get into bed..
well well, today kinda stress though
im rushing all my deadline cases.
while peoples keep packing and leaving
you will get affected too, why can't I back home on time too?
faster complete the case...faster....
but seniors are quite pity...
they will have to stay up late to 7pm to done with all the counts...
salute!!! dears seniors...
should have learn to control emotions..
everybody has their own difficulties...
everybody paid for jobs too...
so, be nice to everyone...
ah peng!!! try to be nice and control your volcanic temper=)

weak life

there is a T-junction from my way of house to pyramid.
i think it is full of g~~~~
because for several times...
i go home at midnight.
i normally will go Puchong...
so when im going home, for sure i will wait at the T-junction for the traffic light.
today....is the most impressive to me???
i saw an ambulance coming from behind of me...
i was still thinking which area got accident happened again..
just at that moment, i heard a "BANG" in front of me.
when i look at it, a wira is already bump into a motorcycle...
and this hit is very heavy.
as the motor already half mashed...
i couldnt see the motorcylist..
after, the ambulance stop beside me...
the aidman got out from the car and asked the wira driver drive aside...
as this accident is stopping at the road..
this time, i will think that, this ambulance so "ngam ngam" appear at here this moment for this accident?? such a coincident...
2 indian motorcylist were there to help out...
then, i saw the "victim" was lying at the floor...
without helmet..but i duno how was he, as i din saw blood all around the road..
well well...
i think from wat i saw, the wira did not do wrong,
is the motor suddenly burst out....
the same way we are, is supposed to be red.
the wira way is in green, so he was just driving all his way....
haiz...everything was destinied rite???
is also lucky the car behind the wira did not bump into him...
if not, this will be a very very long accidet...
omg...luckily too that person did not bump in front my car...
if not, today i cannot sleep...and i have to go 收惊...to calm down my soul....
LOL....pray for the midnight drivers...please la...follow the traffic rules...
dont simply burst out la....its not good wei...u might hurting urself or others...
haizz...life too weak....be appreciate for those who want longevity =)

there are too much to say,
but there are too less words to describe.

what i did, was a shame.
i should not promote before i did.
this is what i always did.
im sad and angry about myself.

everytime i look into mirror.
i feel this girl...
very hatred...
how am i going to love others even i dun love myself...
my life given was a wasted to me...
my life should spare to others...
dun tell me i shouldnt think so as im so lucky as compared to others.
i know, but i couldnt handle it anymore.
just spare my lucky to others who eager for longevity.
i dun give my life a damn!
as long as i fulfill my dream...
i'll leave peacefully...

unless there is someday, i find my target...
i find my final destination...
then i will strive for live...
too hard to let go, too easy to take all...
i hate...

im confused.....
who going to lead me forever??
who wanna be my lamp??
>_<
where is my guidance angel???

broke @@

do you think a person can survive in a month with only RM290 left??
after minus out all her debts, credit cards, and transportation fees...
yes, im going to try for this crazy moneyless month =D

to believe

today was a day i believe in myself.
after yesterday, u told me to be patience
i must only last minute only can say give up or not.
its all depend on myself.
well, today when i rushed into kl sentral,
i saw my only bus leaving
i was like...OMG...am i going to wait another 30 mins?
i think, i might wan to try my luck
therefore, i keep walking fast
and pass trough the road
well well, im praying so hard..
bus bus bus, pls come to me..pls come to me..
another few more seconds! yes!! the bus is here!!!
muahaha XD i did it!!
i manage to rush the bus and be at home earlier than i can, if i did not pursue after it.
=)
what a happy day. to make myself believe i should believe more in myself =D

内心的告白

1。爬山记

今天去了爬山 - Bukit Ketumbar
第一次的体验，很特别
比我想象中的山路差多少点
我以为是楼梯似的
可是却要斜得多，滑得多
一路上，谢谢欣瑜的照顾
她一直在我背后看着我，等着我
我都很不好意思，觉得自己累人累物的
想说，为什么要参与？
到半山直接有害怕，想下去的感觉
甚至还有一种差不多升天的感觉
实在太累，太疼，太喘了
但是，路上的我的想法很奇怪
或许看戏太多，戏里的女主角不是都很坚强吗？
所以，我无论如何都会尽量坚持的
这种运动，实在对我来说太高难度了
下次要约我这个活动，我会三思
到了山顶，还感觉很踏实
都是好吃懒做害得啦
到达山脚我更是兴奋
终于第一次自己挑战了这样一座山
第一次挑战了这种爬山活动

2。减肥记
说到减肥，是我一生中最惭愧的事
上次说到天花乱坠似的一定减肥成功
毕竟花了那么大笔钱
看来，我还是去死算了
减到最后，我肥回去了
钱却一样还在付着……
我这是什么心态
所以现在有什么样的约会
我真的不想出席
我很讨厌出席
我每次都……
自卑心作祟，却不会努力实践自己的梦想
到底……我要受到怎样的打击？？
还是我对一切都免疫了？
无论什么都打不倒我的自卑心？
我还有自尊吗？
说了多少次？
说了多少年？
花我2个月的薪水的减肥药
也帮不倒我？！！！
人家早就瘦到不懂哪里去了
最起码也20kg咯……
唉……别在提什么减肥了
没人帮到自己，除了自己
那张嘴和那贪吃的脑袋，
可以不要再想食物了吗？
直接闲掉……

3。友情记
我到底烦不烦啊
话题说来说去还是一样
对于这个，我直接无话可说
人生，本来就是这样
不论怎么想，
这世界上都只有我自己一个人
再也不会有的了
我知道的

4。心情记
自己大不孝
脾气坏，难控制
事后才后悔
却也弥补不了什么
却也改变不了什么
自己太自私
不会想……
对不起了，父母
看到某个人说：
“自杀是胆小鬼们最后胆怯的行为。但是如果不胆怯，就会面临可怕的事情”
最近这种念头很常出现
心理的郁闷不知对谁说
又有谁可以真心的聆听？
每个人都有各自的烦恼，各自的生活
现在……又有谁会这样在乎一个人了？
到底我还剩下多少尊严？多少勇气？
我的最后距离我还有多久呢？
内心真的有点痛到我不知如何是好
有点麻木了……
别人是如此的坚强，如此的享活
我却是如此的懦弱，如此的腻活
我的天使去了哪里？
恶魔在作祟了……
严重的作祟……

拜托赐我懂得生活的意义
我真的不想成为胆小鬼
真的真的不想……